Kid Quotes

Me: Don't forget to wash your hands.
E: I know...I've been doing this for years.

E: Stop taking my friends, O.
O: E, don't talk to me like that! You're not in charge.
Me: O, be nice...
O: No Mommy, you're not in charge.

After I finished loading the dishwasher, W takes interest, knowing buttons will be pushed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him slowly move over to the dishwasher, look at me, and then push a button.
Me: W, please don't push the buttons on the dishwasher.
W: I'm not touching it! (As he spins around in surprise. He then slowly turns back to the dishwasher as I clean the counter. I see him slowly move his arm up, as if in a trance...must...push...button.)
Me: W...
W: I'm not touching it! (He then places his hand on the dishwasher and casually leans against it.)
Me: Go ahead and move away from the dishwasher, please.
W: Keeping his hand in place, he steps farther away with a smile.